Up and Down

I'm all over the place these days. I'm a crier in the best of times, and add on pregnancy, unemployment, less than ideal living situation...wooo boy. I'm almost positive I haven't gone a full week this pregnancy without crying.
Some days hours I feel hopeful and positive, and then everything seems to come crashing down. It's a struggle to continue trusting God and focusing on truth when we seem to get the legs kicked out from under us every couple of days. But I guess that's the lesson I am supposed to be learning. I think I maybe be making progress at a snails pace.
Life has been at a bit of a standstill, other than the fact that our babe and my stomach are growing day by day. But change may be coming. Ben and I both have job interviews today. No matter what, my temp job will most likely end next month. But even these horizons are tinged with misgivings. Do I hope that Ben gets a part time job that probably won't cover even our school loan bills? I guess I have to, since it's better than nothing. My job prospect that looked so perfect is now in a doubtful light. I can't deny that, to me, even our best prospects seem discouraging.
And it's hard to remember that God has our best in mind in His plan. And it's hard to be thankful for what we have when I feel like we deserve better. But those are the works that are (painfully) being worked in me.
Confusion, chaos, clutter, uncertainty...these are the things that cause someone with my personality so much grief. And that is what our life is filled to the brim with these days. And I have to let go of my perfect vision for how things should be.