Stress/Terror.

It certainly does seem that bad news likes to multiply. You get one bit of bad news, and then more bits pop up. For example, few days after my mom called to tell me my grandpa has passed away (still can't write that without crying), Ben's mom called to tell us his grandma wasn't doing so well. And then she died within the same week.

Well...today we got some very vague news that may mean Ben didn't pass one of his classes, which would mean paying to $300 to retake it next semester, essentially just to turn in a paper he has already done. This is after he is already going to lose part of his scholarship for reasons I won't go into here. I think everything will be covered still with loans, but we had other plans and it stresses me out. Plus, he didn't do great grade-wise this semester, and if his GPA drops low enough he could get academic suspension, or probation and have to spend even more time and money on school.

Then, I went on to the website for my student loans to pay my monthly bill. As soon as it opened to my loan summary page, my stomach flipped and my heart dropped. I am on a "stair-step" plan with my loan. Which means I pay one amount for a while, and then after a certain amount of time, they increase the payment amount. I guess the length of time is two years. Guess how long I've been paying on my loans? Instead of paying my bill and having about $120 left in our account, we don't have enough in our checking account to cover it. We have some other money that will take care of it, and Ben just got paid $125 for preaching over the weekend. I suppose the fact that the those numbers are almost exactly the same should awe and encourage me, but I have to be honest, it doesn't. I am scared.

Now, I know we are a lot better off than so many people, but I am still scared. You know that annoying, hhhhmmpph, encouraging person who says, "God will take care of it," and seems to have ooodles of faith for these situations? I am not that person. Instead, I married that person. Ben has so much more faith in money matters than I do, and I really am thankful for that. I know I should do what he tells me, which is to trust and pray. It is so hard, but I am trying. I am praying.

It's definitely been a while...

And what's been happening you ask? Death, birth, and life.

My grandpa died. Ben's grandma died.

I attended two births. One I was at for 50 hours, one I was at for one hour (technically I was there longer, but I was only there an hour before the baby was born).

Ben and I are struggling to get him through this semester. He is very burnt out. I just want him to pass everything, with what doesn't matter at this point. Next semester is his last semester if all goes well, and I am SO ready. What comes next? We don't really know. Perhaps Colorado and Ben being an electrician, perhaps staying here. But I am looking forward to a new chapter.

I'm going to work more hours at my office job and I get to quit my cleaning job (hooray!).

Christmas will be in Moberly again, but we will be in Colorado for a week over New Years.

Ben is supposed to start supply preaching over Christmas break, which should be interesting. I think it will be an adventure.

Spiritually, emotionally, mentally...I don't know. In some ways I'm growing I think, but I often find myself in ruts.

Ben and I certainly have never been closer than we are now. Everything we've gone through the past six months or so have knit us much tighter. We've been lonely, we've had to grieve, we've been stressed and overwhelmed. But we have supported and loved each other through all of it. We've spent a lot of time together and have had a lot of fun with each other. He is a huge blessing in my life.