Contentment.

Being content is not something that is easy. I don't think it's something that we can ever perfect. I think it's one of those things, that just when you think you've managed to reach it, discontentment and restlessness comes sneaking up behind you. At least it's that way with me. And most of the time, I don't think I've reached it. I know I want the next thing, or something different.

I keep coming back to this, but one of the areas this is truest in my life is with having children. I'm satisfied with waiting...sometimes. I have my doula goal before me. And I have two clients to motivate me (it is unlikely/impossible that I could perform the duties I would need to pregnant). And it's just not the right season for us. But I see someone else's belly picture, and my resolve and patience go out the window. It's so weird.

The other area it's the biggest challenge is living in Moberly. I've been here on and off for college for 5 years, and consistently living here after graduating (Ben is still working on his degree) for close to two. It will end up being three post-graduation, with a grand total of 8 years (at least) when all is said and done. There are definite positives to my life here, but it has never been a place that I wanted to end up for good. It's never resonated as home. And I don't think it will be. Sometimes I'm content, and can even find the beauty around me. But sometimes...well, I just get tired of it and feel soooo ready to move on.

Anyway, all that being said, I do want to continue to strive to be content whatever my life circumstances are.

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

Philippians 4:12-13

Challenging verses. I haven't even had to deal with being hungry or being in need. There is always more selfishness in me that can be worked out.