oy....

Well, we've been in Colorado for a week. It feels like we've been here so much longer.

Every day has had ups and downs, failures and success. I guess that's normal, but it seems really magnified. I've been emotional and sensitive and tired. It's hard to organize everything I have to say about what's been happening and my feelings about it.

Currently we are sleeping/staying in the guest room of my in-laws house. Our motor home needs some work before it is ready for us. Unfortunately, it is a little more work than we were anticipating, so that's a bit of a set back, which is a little frustrating. Our cats have to stay in the room all the time because of my in-laws dog and family member allergies. Actually, I'm not too upset about this because the motor home is a small living area as well, so it's a good test. They seem to be doing okay with it so far. They sometimes cry a little if they can hear us in a different part of the house, but I think it's just because they want to be with us, not because they are upset with being in a small space.

The bed we are sleeping on is the same size as what we will have in the motor home, which is smaller than what we are used to. My back has really been hurting, and I'm not sure if it is the mattress, the fact that I am not used to the small bed, or something else. It is hard to be accustomed to more sleeping space and then downgrade. But we bought a memory foam for our mattress in the camper. We will probably test it out on our bed in the house. I hope it helps, because waking up hurting every day is not fun.

Ben got a job working with his brother as an apprentice electrician, which is what we have been hoping for all along. We don't know exactly when he starts, or how long the work will last, but he will be making some good money for the time being. Everything just seemed to fall in place with this job. It is definitely a blessing.

I turned in my resume and application at a local Bible College. I was able to speak with the Human Resources lady, and they aren't hiring now, but may have an open position closer to when school starts up. Other than that, I'm not sure where to look. My "fall back" is to apply at Starbucks. I don't have a back up to my fall back yet.

The motor home is one of the more exciting parts of life right now. We bought paint and flooring. We've ripped out a rotten wall, and sanded the floor. Before we can officially inhabit it we need to replace the wall, paint, put down the flooring, and steam clean the mattress. There is more work to be done, but we can do that while living in it. We are hoping to get the bulk of the renovations done before Ben starts work, which we think will be in about a week and a half.

Emotionally, I am all over the place. I sobbed the first night we were here. It was just overwhelming.We've left friends and the only home we've ever had. The job I had for three years, where I was loved. I felt like I didn't know what I had left it all for. Things have been better since then, though I still have my moments of doubt and sadness. We've had some good time with family and friends, which we have really enjoyed. Time spent with family definitely makes it seem like our decision to move here was correct.

I'm also having to get used to being around people more than has been normal. I was by myself for a good portion of the last 3 years, so I didn't have a lot of the issues that come with dealing with people. And not dealing with people in a bad way, but just at all. It is taking some getting used to. I don't know if transitions are ever easy. This one certainly isn't. But I do think it is good for me.This is the first actual alone time I've had since we've been here, and I think I was needing it. So I'm relaxing with the kitties, doin' computer stuff.

There is probably more I could say, but this is a long post already. I think I will leave off here, with some pictures. 

Ben entering our home.

The inside before the redo.

The other direction of the inside before the redo.

Moving stinks.

This moving process has not been easy. It is making me crazy. It actually would probably be a lot easier if we didn't have to give so much away. And giving stuff away would be easier if we could just dump it all off at Goodwill, but we have been trying to give it away to friends who might need it. Coordinating who gets what has been complicated. It doesn't help that I over-think everything. Oh well. It will all be done soon.

The wedding we are in is also a complicating factor with this move, because it is located at the half way point for our drive to Colorado. It would be great to just go on from the wedding, but our cats pose an issue there. I'm looking into putting them into a kennel, but that might get expensive. Anway, it's been complicated and hard to decide what to do. 

Ben had his last shift at Walmart tonight. He may transfer to one in Colorado, but we aren't sure about that. If he does, I'm hoping for a different shift time.

Things will probably be pretty hectic for the next two weeks. The fact that we are leaving and will be living in a motor home definitely doesn't feel real yet.

oh my.

Tomorrow is May. Moving month is upon us. Ben and I have both been having some conflicting emotions about the move. We are excited about living in the motor home and being around family and our friends out there. But sad about leaving friends here. And there is some anxiety mixed in too. About specific things, like jobs and how the cats will do in the motor home. But I think I'm also experiencing just some general anxiety about starting a new life. There are so many unknowns. I'm a little sad to be leaving our first home as a married couple, too.

However,
I am BEYOND thrilled that Ben will be done with school. I can't believe the end has finally come. I'm so ready.

I've already been making some progress on sorting and packing. We have to be mostly packed up in two weeks so Ben's parents can take the majority of our stuff back after graduation. I have quite a bit to do in the next few weeks.

Job attempt!

I applied for a job in Colorado today. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, since I have no clue whether or not I will get it. But it's kind of hard, because I think I really want it. It is an administrative assistant job in a counseling center. I got my bachelor's degree in counseling and it is the same general type of work I have been doing for almost 3 years now, so I think it would be a really good fit. PLUS it is full time. With benefits. Which my current job is not.

It is the first time I've ever applied for a "grown up" job. I don't really count my job now because I still work hourly, I'm not full time, etc. The job I have now was previously designated for students, and I think that's another reason I've never really thought of it as a "grown up" job. And was pretty easy to get because it is at the college I graduated from, so they knew me. This would be a salaried position. I don't know anyone there. I submitted a cover letter in addition to my resume. Pretty crazy.

I guess if I don't get it, at least I'm getting myself more used to the process.

Anyway, I'm excited and nervous.

I'm Back!

I had to do an update to my account, and it resulted in me being confused, and unable to long on. But then I figured it out! So I'm back in my little blog. We got in late on Monday from our vacation. It was really hard to come back. I love Washington, and I love being with my mom and step-dad. I feel so content when I am out there. Ben says I have been grumpier since we've been back. Hah.

Here are some highlights from our trip.

My step-dad Kevin and my mom's Corgi Dottie.

A lighthouse on an island we visited.

One of my favorite activities: Beach Combing!

Me and Ben on the ferry.

The sign for The Egg and I Rd. The setting for one of my favorite books, The Egg and I.

In other news, our move to Colorado is a month from yesterday. YIKES!! I am not ready and it does not even feel real. We have a lot of stuff to get rid of. It's going to be a crazy month. Ben is going to be preaching every Sunday until we leave. I am going to be able to work pretty much full time until we leave, which is a huge blessing to us financially. This move is going to have expenses attached, of course. I also have a bridal shower I am helping plan, for a wedding we are both in the weekend after we move. I'm nervous and excited about everything that is coming up.

I can't wait!

A month from today we will be flying to my favorite place in the entire world. Washington. My mom lives there, and we are going to visit her over spring break. We were planning on going after Ben graduates, but between graduation, being in a wedding, and moving this is much better timing. And I am not too upset that trip is so close.

I've been in love with Washington since the first time I was there. It is so beautiful. It has the freshest air I've ever breathed. There are mountains and water. And it is soooo green. There is so much glorious rain.

And there is something else. I just feel at home there. I can't explain it, I just have never felt so much like I belong in a place. Which is kind of funny, because I went through some of the strangest and worst times of my life while I was there. But the wonderfullness of Washington shone through the awful. I really hope we will live there someday, even for just a while. But in the meantime, I will be happy with our week long vacation!

Other than just being in Washington, I'm excited to spend time with my mom, stepdad, and his family. We always have so much fun with them.

This is me and Ben at the Pike Street Market in Seattle. This was about four years ago I think (have we really been together that long?!).



Mom, Kevin (my stepdad), and me on one of our road trips.



This is me, Kevin, and my mom's dog Dottie on the beach. I love the ocean but I'm not the type to swim in the ocean, so I love the beaches up there because they are chilly, and perfect for just taking walks.



I'm so thankful we get to take this trip.

a vapor...

Life on this earth is temporary. And short.

Maybe it's because I'm getting older, but lately it has been pressing upon my mind that there is an end to the existence to which I am used.

It started when my grandpa was getting sick. I realized that my grandparents, and even my parents won't be alive for my whole life. Of course I knew this, but that was when the realization first became real to me. And then my grandpa died. And it became even more real. I have been blessed to still have all my grandparents up until then, and my parents too. I know there are plenty who don't. It was very difficult for me to lose my grandpa. Because I wasn't just grieving the loss of him. I was overwhelmed with the realization of the fact that people I love will not be on earth the whole time I am (that's assuming I live a long life, I of course know there is no guarantee of tomorrow).

And since then, though the thought hasn't been constant, it has been recurring. Life isn't that long.

Do you ever wonder what your life is "for"? I've been wondering that about mine a lot lately. I just really don't know. And often lately I find myself so world weary, that I have no desire for my life to be for anything. Things hurt me, and I just don't know how to deal. A friend is sick. A mentor is sick. I catch a headline of something horrible that has happened. I see daily evidence of people embracing deception, and rebelling against truth. None of these things are new occurrences, or unique to my experience. But I feel them very deeply.

This is one of those times when I'm not sure how to end this post. So I guess that was it.