Maybe it's because I'm getting older, but lately it has been pressing upon my mind that there is an end to the existence to which I am used.
It started when my grandpa was getting sick. I realized that my grandparents, and even my parents won't be alive for my whole life. Of course I knew this, but that was when the realization first became real to me. And then my grandpa died. And it became even more real. I have been blessed to still have all my grandparents up until then, and my parents too. I know there are plenty who don't. It was very difficult for me to lose my grandpa. Because I wasn't just grieving the loss of him. I was overwhelmed with the realization of the fact that people I love will not be on earth the whole time I am (that's assuming I live a long life, I of course know there is no guarantee of tomorrow).
And since then, though the thought hasn't been constant, it has been recurring. Life isn't that long.
Do you ever wonder what your life is "for"? I've been wondering that about mine a lot lately. I just really don't know. And often lately I find myself so world weary, that I have no desire for my life to be for anything. Things hurt me, and I just don't know how to deal. A friend is sick. A mentor is sick. I catch a headline of something horrible that has happened. I see daily evidence of people embracing deception, and rebelling against truth. None of these things are new occurrences, or unique to my experience. But I feel them very deeply.
This is one of those times when I'm not sure how to end this post. So I guess that was it.
I think about this stuff a lot. And when I think too much about it...I cry. A lot.
ReplyDeleteI so, so, so dislike death. And I dislike that sometimes it takes death, to cause an awareness of something.
Like, that life is short. Or that God is important.
Le sigh.
Praise God. Give the glory to Him. Rejoice always. Rest in His grace. Give your burdens to Him. Remember the end of the story, that all this evil and hurting will come to an end and we will praise God forever. Pray for those who don't know Him and those who are turning from Him. Cling to the Gospel.
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