Update Part 1

So when we last left off our saga, I was going to go to Washington. I went and had a wonderful time. It was go great to be with my family in the state I love. It was hard to come back to Colorado, even with missing Ben.

 But come back I did, and resumed my job search. And had no luck. For a long time. Finally, I got on with a temp agency and was given an assignment. It seemed pretty providential because it was as a receptionist at a Christian organization. The downsides were that it was half an hour away, it was part time, and it was only supposed to last two to three weeks. But finally, at least it was something! I started on a Monday morning in October.

Going forward a couple of days to Thursday...Ben comes home...and tells me he got laid off. This wasn't totally unexpected. What was unexpected was that his brother was also laid off, but that doesn't really play too much into our story. Mainly it just establishes that EVERYONE in the family was sort of freaking out. Except for me and Ben. Ben because he is very steady and has a super power of trusting God. Me because I just had a strange peace about it. His mom was stressing out like crazy and she kept trying to give me assurances that she need much more than I did. For some reason I felt fine about it.

MEANWHILE. I was supposed to have "that time of the month" start on Wednesday. It didn't. It didn't start on Thursday either. Or Friday. No big deal, I'd been late before. Friday evening, I had some cramping but still nothing. That was a little unusual for me. I had a pregnancy test already, so I decided that if I hadn't started by the time I got up on Saturday I would take it. Not because I thought I was really pregnant, but just so I wouldn't have the torturing thoughts about it until I started.

It may help you to know that during the past months I had found out about a billion of my friends were pregnant, including three of my very best friends. Even though Ben and I weren't trying and weren't planning on trying for quite a while, this had been hard on me emotionally. It seemed to be something that was beyond my control. I was in favor of waiting, but my emotions were not. I had feelings of jealousy, guilt over being jealous, and frustration with myself because Ben and I both agreed that we should wait. It was a confusing time.

I woke up on Saturday and there was still nothing happening. So I grabbed the test I had, and went inside to the bathroom. I peed on the stick, and waited the 3 minutes. Still feeling nonchalant, because I was sure there was no way I could be pregnant because of timing issues, I picked up the test. There were two lines. In addition to the control line, there was another fainter line. But it was there. I was shocked. I think I said out loud, "That's not possible." I just stared at it. There was no way there could be two lines. But there they were.

I ran out to the camper. Ben was still sleeping up in the loft. I started saying his name and trying to wake him up as soon as I got in there. I told him I needed to show him something. I stood on the ladder and held the test out to him. I had been shaking really hard since I left the bathroom. He was barely awake but he took it and looked at. Then he looked at me. "Are you pregnant?" "I think I might be."

Of course as it turns out, I was. And am. Currently half way through. There is more to say, but this is getting long so I am going to stop here and do a part 2.