My buddy.

My husband and I have basically entirely opposite work schedules, and it really stinks. I work during business hours (8-5) Monday through Friday. He works 4pm to 1am, Friday through Monday. After two years of this, it's really beginning to get old. It's very lonely. But it's not as lonely as it could be, because I have my little buddy.



This is Scurvy.



He loves laying on the windowsill in the sun.




And playing with fan chains.




He loves running water.




And he's also very adventurous.




And he's pretty classy as well.




He's my little friend, and he keeps me company. It really makes a huge difference to have another living creature around on the lonely weekend nights.

Brain Dump.

I have so much going on in my mind lately.

I have a lot I want to do.

I had the idea to make a sort of "inspiration" poster kind of thing, but I'm having trouble starting. I want to have pictures, fabric, colors, phrases, etc. that inspire me glued onto, well cardboard probably, cause it's easily attainable. I was excited about it the whole time I was at work, but now that I'm home I feel kind of stuck.

Maybe my apartment layout is inhibiting me...but I probably shouldn't change it again. I'm trying so hard not to feel stifled in this place, but it is not easy.

I've also been thinking a lot about my doula business. And about friendships. And about God. And about...all sorts of things. My thoughts are all shooting off in a million directions like big, bubbling springs that I can't contain. It's difficult to work on any one thing when that is going on.

Dreaming

I am dreaming of...

Living in an adorable little house.

Having a garden, herbs and vegetables and flowers.

Making some sort of living doing what I love (being a doula and maybe a lactation consultant).

Having children.

Other than having my own doula business, being a stay at home mom.

Living somewhere beautiful.

Having a llama.

Working with Limitations.

I have to say, I feel pretty limited in where I currently am. It seems to stifle my creativity.

On a practical level, I live in a very small apartment. It is one room. And I really love it, but it does have it's drawbacks. We have one VERY SMALL closet. There just isn't much space to A. store materials for projects or B. actually do them. My slightly OCD nature makes it really difficult for me to leave materials and partially finished projects out in the my general living area where I have to see them all the time. So my choices are leave all the stuff out and try to ignore it when I'm not using it, or trying to put it all away and pull it out again every time I want to work on the project, which is not appealing in the least. However, I am trying to make the best of my resources. For example. We never eat at our table. So why not use my kitchen table for my sewing machine? Perhaps I will come up with other creative storage ideas along the way.

The other major limitation I find is that this town is pretty devoid of inspiration. There isn't much natural beauty, and it is lacking in cultural or artistic experiences to be had. This town is actually a very stagnant place. In fact, as perfect example, the most beautiful thing about this town is the downtown, which has really lovely, picturesque buildings. But for the most part they sit empty and unused. There is a neat old theater that is supposed to be getting renovated, but I don't think I've ever seen any work being done on it. It probably will never be finished because it will never get funded. This town just isn't interested in improving. Meanwhile, it seems like a new "payday loan" place springs up every month. It's sad. This town wants to be mediocre, and it's difficult not to just be mediocre along with it. It doesn't really foster creativity at all. At least in me. I've been checking out Craftgawker, however, and trying to draw inspiration from there. I also want to start reading more again (I've always loved reading, but have sort of gotten out of the habit). I figure if I don't put anything in, nothing is going to come out. So I want to try and look for inspiration where I can find it.

Another limitation is a lack of funds to spend on materials for projects (even for really cheap materials sometimes) and even if the funds are to be had, sometimes the materials are not. For example, if I wanted to cook a special meal, I might not be able to get the ingredients I needed. And the only craft type stores here are the small, local ones. And I would love to shop local and support them, but I honestly just don't have the money. And I can't make a trip half an hour away (which is where the nearest craft/decent grocery stores are) very often. But I do like to try and make do with what I have. We actually have a pretty decent Goodwill and Salvation Army here, and if I can get some ideas going, I can utilize them. Perhaps even draw inspiration from the items I find.

I've actually been working on a few projects today, and I have a few others in mind which I hope to debut in a future post.

I have great hopes that Moberly will not be my permanent home, but I'm starting to try to make the best of it while I'm here. It's taken me a while to come to that point, but I feel like I'm losing part of myself to Moberly, and it scares me. If I don't start going in the other direction now, I'm worried I may never escape this slow descent into mediocrity.

Hobbies.

I really need a hobby. I'm not sure what it will be. But I'm hoping to approach it with a new attitude. And by that I mean, not being a super perfectionist and giving up if I'm not immediately good at it. I'm going to try to do some research on the...internet. DUN DUN DUN...Let's see how this goes, shall we?

Holidays.

I think I'm starting to have a big dread of holidays. They are just kind of sad when you aren't with your family. Tomorrow is Mother's Day, and I miss my mom and my grandma. I haven't seen my grandma in almost two years (since my wedding). I used to see her multiple times a year. I really miss my family. I know my grandparents are getting older, and my grandpa has had some health problems. I hate being so poor that I can't visit them. Anyway. That's that.

Summer thoughts.

There is one more week of classes and then one week of finals. I think I'm more excited than Ben about this fact, but that is probably because I don't have to do all the end of the year projects he does.

I've been out of school for almost two years, but my life is still run by semesters and breaks.

Ben and I are supposed to start running this summer (it was his idea). It may sound crazy to start running when it's getting hotter out (at least it does to me. I hate being hot...or cold...) but it's because that's when he will actually have time. I'm looking forward to it, but I also know I'm going to hate it. But I bought some shoes, and as Ben says, "that's a commitment."

I'm looking forward to summer. We want to take a trip to a little town (Brunswick, MO) that is about an hour away. We drove through it on our way to the airport. It was lovely, with hills and neat old houses. They have a pecan festival in October that I think would be neat to go to.

We are going to have our second anniversary and I will turn 25 in June. That number sounds older than I feel.

I'm still struggling towards contentment. It is painful and difficult. It's hard to stop being selfish. I do feel I'm growing and getting better. I actually feel like I'm moving forward (though it is slowly) which seems like a victory.

The other day it was raining while it was sunny...and there was a beautiful rainbow...